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               I have no face. There was a time when I may have owned one, but this is a fuzzy half-memory. In fact, it may be entirely an invention of fantasy. These days, regardless of my history, I know for a fact that I have no face. However, I have been granted a name: The American Obesity Problem. And I am growing in the United States. You may have seen me on television. You may have been witness to my disconcerting back cleavage and mystified by the seamless transition my legs make from my calves into my ankles. You probably saw my unsettlingly large, shelf-like behind as it strained against my tight Capri pants that I swore I would fit into someday and, when I didn't lose the weight, decided to wear anyway because, "If I spend more than $30 on pants I better damn well find a way to squeeze into them." You may have caught a glance of ponytail resting on my back, or a peek at several of my lower chins. But, if you've seen me at all, you can say with confidence that I do not have a face. I have a plethora of everything else, but that is one thing I do not have.



                There was a time when I thought I may be a woman—but I am not. I am The American Obesity Problem. Women are not obese. Women are creatures with perfectly smooth hair, smooth skin, smooth voices…but, most importantly, women have faces. Faces with large, engaging eyes that hide behind long, fluttering eyelashes. Faces that are graced with petite, feminine noses. Faces with plump, red, moist lips. Faces that smile and laugh and contort to emote coyness. Have you ever attempted to be coy without owning a face? One time, in 2009, I attempted such an endeavor and it left spectators believing that my hip was out of joint. I was so upset that I wanted to cry but, without a face, I wasn't properly equipped with the tear ducts that are required.



                I have been told by close friends, in confidence, that women have sex. I'm still not completely convinced of this rumor's validity, but my sources are fairly reliable. I do have several friends who are women themselves. In all honesty, I remain skeptical. For nearly two decades I have believed that women, like The American Obesity Problem, spawn at random. I spawn, you see—I appear as if by magic. One night I am an unsuspecting human being with hopes and dreams, full of love and ambition, and then, the next morning, I am mystically transformed into The American Obesity Problem. I was never born. I will never procreate. I have no gender. I've looked—I've set out on expeditions, you see. It takes planning and provisions to search for any sign of gender on The American Obesity Problem. There's quite a bit of ground to cover. Quite a bit of flesh to explore. I returned sadly from each journey only gleaning knowledge of endless rolls of fat. They extend for eternity into some great abyss I have yet to fully understand. There is nothing else there, no sign of any kind of life or vitality or feeling. On one occasion I brought a Sherpa with me, but he got lost somewhere—enveloped, rather. I wonder if I'll ever see him again…  

  

                It is quite interesting to be an asexual blob living in a world whose axis spins on the idea of sex. I press my fleshy, faceless cranium against the thick pane of glass that separates me from everyone and everything else, and I attempt to observe. Which is quite difficult without eyes, I admit, but you develop other sorts of senses as part of The American Obesity Problem. Fatty perceptions that the rest of society is not privy to. You watch women struggle into tight, low-cut shirts and hear them claim they enjoy cutting off the circulation in their breasts and that they are not—definitely NOT—trying to grab anyone's attention. You watch men lift weights up and down in endless repetition in the hope that they will lose their insecurities like you lost that pen you swear you just had five minutes ago. Then there are the instances when both genders pound down drink after drink after drink so that their stark biological differences are made inconsequential. At this point, they are able to converse freely and—according to rumor—copulate. Or, perhaps, they simply meditate on the idea.



                I have been witness to such things because I am in a peculiarly rare situation. Most members of The American Obesity Problem are not college students like I am. Education is not terribly important to many of us. Typically, food is the priority. And lack of exercise. We love not exercising. If we could not exercise all week, we would—and quite frequently do. But a college education is about binge drinking and spring break bikini contests and sleeping through class and loveless sex and pregnancy scares. Clearly this excludes The American Obesity Problem, as most of us would much rather read a book or write an essay. There has to be activity between food and not exercising to break up the monotony, and I find that reading books or writing essays helps pass the time. Yet, without one solitary pregnancy scare, I've somehow managed to maintain a decent GPA. If I had parents, I'm sure they'd feel a slight tinge of pride that might, momentarily, outweigh the guilt and shame of having The American Obesity Problem as a child.



                I have vague recollections of being a child—which is strange, because they can't possibly be true. They must be fabrications; illusions of the mind. Perhaps these memories are dreams. I recall one such dream, and it included an ice cream party. I was, allegedly, in the sixth grade. A boy, mindlessly licking his frozen treat, approached me with an incredulous look on his face. "Why are you eating that?" he asked, pointing to the vanilla ice cream cone melting in my hand. "Aren't you already fat enough?" I stared at him for a moment, blinking with eyes I couldn't have possibly had, yet distinctly remember. After this brief moment, I responded. "No. No, I am not fat enough. I must continue to eat and gorge myself; shovel in the ice cream. I am not nearly as fat as I could be. There's so much potential! I will grow to be part of The American Obesity Problem, and you can't stop me!" At which point I consumed the entire cone in one gigantic bite. "I am America's future!" I proclaimed. I jumped onto one of the desks, commanding the attention of all the other sixth grade children in the room, and proceeded to give a speech to the captive audience:



           "I am America's future! I will be the consumer of super-sized value meals and, simultaneously, diet pills that have not been approved by the FDA. One of the two—or both in tandem—will lead to cardiac arrest. And that, my friends, is my ultimate goal. There is comfort in knowing that I have planned to end my life via heart attack. I may settle for a severe case of diabetes to tide me over, but heart failure is the only victory that will satiate this appetite! Until then, until success, I will perpetuate industry. I will consume. I will spin the cogs of this great nation. And when I say 'great' I don't mean 'good,' I mean 'LARGE'—large in capital letters. It is my duty to make sure America remains the greatest country in the world! My cause is just, my religion is Consumerism, and my fuel is ice cream. If you have any iota of patriotism, you will give up your ice cream right now! You will hand your cones to me! You will witness as, one after another, I shove them down my throat. And I will grow, my friends. I will grow into The American Obesity Problem!" My cries were suddenly muted by rapturous applause.



             Then, as effortlessly as it weaved itself into my psyche, the dream unhinges and recoils into some dark corner of the mind. There is a strange, backwards relief in this fantasy that plays itself out on the stage of my subconscious. The dream implies choice. That I had a decision to make—a desire, even—to become part of The American Obesity Problem. I can't claim full knowledge of how I properly spawned, but that is the dream that always springs to mind when I struggle to remember. I'm not entirely sure what to make of it, but I do love the dreams in which I appear to be human.



            The American Obesity Problem is not human. Our species is something modern science is still trying to comprehend and classify. But, as a virtually undefined genus, we don't have many of the rights that most human beings take for granted. Like dignity, for example. Or respect. We are frequent fodder for comedians and pedestrians alike. Why not? There is, after all, nothing worse than being part of The American Obesity Problem. In a "Most Disgusting" contest, our flabby folds will beat out any challenger, any day of the week. Our asexual spawning confuses and alienates humans. Our apparent lack of self-awareness and disdain for proper bodily upkeep is inexplicable. Our desire to be hated and loathed is unfathomable. We are a misunderstood group, though there are many of us. We make vain attempts to become human, to be accepted into a foreign culture, to forge a path between worlds.



            I know. I've tried.



           At the end of the day, all that's left to me are those wonderful dreams. Under the quiet blanket of endless stars, I feel the impossible could be possible. I am inspired to imagine myself in a woman's body. I grant myself the ability to dream of a time and a place in which I am human. The folds of endless fat lift up and over my head like a poorly fitting costume I can now freely discard on the floor. I feel the ability to breathe fully. I drift and float and feel light. I sometimes drift right into someone else's arms by accident. Sometimes they are arms that belong to a man. He smiles, and kisses my forehead, and reaches his arms around me with ease. He doesn't have to stretch and strain, but simply embraces as if it were wholly natural. And that makes me smile. I smile a big smile with coy lips and engaging eyes that ask him not to let go. My entire face lights up—and suddenly I'm aware that I have a face. I have a face. And, if I'm lucky, I imagine I have a name. And even luckier still, I have all of these things, and…



        …and I am loved.
I have no idea how to categorize this piece. I couldn't find a section for satire, which is where I would put it if I had the option.

It is an essay I wrote for a Women and Writing class. The class assumes everyone has a gender or identity or gender identity. I often feel like I do not. So this is what I wrote in response to the material we had to read about being female.

The preview image was taken of me by my friend, Lauren DeCicca, for her senior thesis project in photography / "This Changes Everything" exhibit in downtown Ithaca, NY. Check her out: [link]

-----------------------------------------

EDIT:

WOW. Just...wow. I woke up to hundreds of messages in my inbox this morning and thought DA broke! THANK YOU FOR THE DD! I've been part of this community for years and never dreamed I'd ever receive such an honor!

I've been wading through the comments and have two things to generally respond to:

1) I am not trying to argue that obesity is an inherently healthy thing. It may be for some people, perhaps. My goal in writing this was never to advocate obesity, but to advocate for the HUMANITY of obese people. Do not assume everyone has control over their weight. Nevertheless, I feel like comments in opposition of obesity have created interesting dialogue. This is important. People have passion enough to debate the topic--and that is better than remaining silent. For those of you with only hostility for overweight people (rather than genuine concern) I have sincere concern for YOU and hope that you are able to heal whatever inside of you may be broken.

2) I saw a lot of comments left by people who were clearly moved by the subject matter / can truly identify with it. Your words have meant so much to me. Thank you for sharing your own experiences and why this meant something to you. Connecting with others, communicating, exchanging, expression: This is what art is. To have created something that MEANS something to others is the highest accomplishment, and I cannot begin to articulate how honored by that and grateful for that I am. So many beautiful words from so many beautiful people. What a humbling experience...

Much love to you all! Change of any kind must start with love and support. <3
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Daily Deviation

Given 2011-02-17
"I have no face," writes ~LightningRodOfHate in The American Obesity Problem. This satirical piece of creative nonfiction explores the faceless through their ultimate goal of heart failure, "the only victory that will satiate this appetite!" ( Suggested by DailyLitDeviations and Featured by GwenavhyeurAnastasia )
:iconlonelynightrain:
lonelynightrain Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015  Hobbyist Writer
Wonderful work and style!
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:iconbluedragon6969:
bluedragon6969 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015
1 more thing ,the woman in the pic is beautiful !
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:iconbluedragon6969:
bluedragon6969 Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2015
I'm not heavy my self,but I like ur ideas,I think u have the right idea about obesity ! :)
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:iconwonderlandrevisited:
WonderlandRevisited Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2014
This is one of the most subversively funny things I have seen on DeviantArt. The first couple sentences of the third paragraph seemed to be channeling a female Bob Hope.

How to find a boyfriend if you're not a bikini model: learn how to play chess well, go to the university chess club, figure out which of the geeks are not having sex with their computers, and take a chance. Stick to public places. Never ever make fun of Star Wars action figures in a chess player's dorm. Beats finding a Japanese sex doll in the closet.
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:iconsampea:
sampea Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2014
Interesting.
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:iconsiragravaine:
SirAgravaine Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014
Have any of you tried consistent and routine 24 hour water fasts to give your digestive systems a break so your body can enter into ketosis? I highly discourage from going over 24 hours, but it certainly has helped me in the past with weight control. This coupled with regular--high intensity (read: heart rate between 150-180)--exercise and proper dieting (taking into account your basal metabolic rate or similarly your resting metabolic rate) will secure your victory in losing weight. It is achievable! 

On this note, I highly discourage any attempt at suggesting that being overweight is something an individual should just accept and go on living the rest of their lives that way. I discourage this primarily because of the health and psychological implications. Yes, it is difficult, no I cannot relate, which makes me the 'dark side', but I can encourage and high five you (even electronically) for making progress. Set larger goals and milestones, share your goals with someone that has equal values as yourself and get motivated. If it doesn't work, seek help from a dietician or other clinical expert. People genetically aren't meant to be overweight, but it does happen that some are more susceptible to it for a variety of reasons to include seemingly insurmountable health reasons. Just keep having faith and you will find a means to become a healthier you even if it doesn't look precisely like the doctored cover of a magazine!
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:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2014  Student Writer
This is really compelling. Congratulations on the DD! You managed to keep my attention the whole time. :heart:
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:iconscr1b3:
Scr1b3 Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
.___. ..................... I'm scared now.. I dont' wanna be fat.
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:iconlonelyzoner:
LonelyZoner Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is absolutely a wonderful, unique, and deeply expressed piece of work. Your way of writing kept me drawn in, along with your vocabulary and metaphors/similies/etc. I'm very glad that I found this: For the longest time I have heard so many people talk ABOUT overweight people, but, even though I really wanted to, I could never bring myself to ask someone how they feel about the situation (whether they are obese or not). This piece really showed me a whole new perspective, and I appreciate you sharing it with everyone. =) I'm sure you've taught and connected with a lot of people on this matter.
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:iconcursedfreak:
CursedFreak Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I can hardly express how moved I was by this, I'm even feeling tears starting to appear in my eyes even as I type.

I've never been what you could call fat, nowhere near, the maximum I've ever weighed was 56kg (123 pounds) when I was about 13-14 years old, nowadays I weigh 50-51kg (around 110 pounds). I'm one of the laziest people you can find (in the "doing sport" sense) and yet I've had no problems to keep my weight so far (eating habits and my metabolism I guess). But despite all of this, I still feel a part of me in this essay. Why? I may have the socially accepted body type, I'm even told that I'm pretty, and yet... I'm also faceless.

You can at least name the reason of why you and so many others are faceless, you are "The American Obesity Problem" but what am I? I always feel like most people just don't care who I am nor want to know. I'm a little shy but I always try to be nice to everyone, however I always feel like I'm always being cast aside, it's like most people I've always met forget my existence in a matter of minutes. I mostly get this idea from little details of passing conversations, in which I usually feel more like a listener than an actual participant of it, but after years all these little details are forming a huge whole inside my mind.

At this time of the year, it's the birthday of many people, I've been waiting for 21 years for these very same people that ask me to help with their birthday parties to wish me a happy birthday but I know it's a lost cause because my birthday is in the middle of August (when everyone is out enjoying their holidays). Whenever I go out with my friends from college, I ask my 3 best friends if they'd like to come along, but in the last four years since we left highschool (I'm not counting one of them, though because she just graduated from highschool and she had a bad experience in general there) I've never heard them say "hey, I'm going out to dance/drink/whatever with the people from my class, why don't you come along?" We still hang out just the 4 of us whenever we have a chance but why don't they want to see us all thogether with more people? Is it my fault or theirs?

"I have been told by close friends, in confidence, that women have sex. I'm still not completely convinced of this rumor's validity, but my sources are fairly reliable." So I've heard, for I have not yet been able to prove this myself. I must be like a shadow for men who, unless drunk, hardly notice that I'm a female of their own species. Like I said, I'm too shy, I don't know how to flirt and I'm certainly not interested in a one-night-relationship (unlike some of my friends, or at least they used to be, that have suggested I should and even almost forced me to make out with a guy they barely knew themselves). The few guys, friends of mine, I've ever had some sort of crush on have destroyed my hopes without even noticing. How would they know? I'm just a shadow anyway.


While I don't like being a shadow, I feel it is probably better than being "The American Obesity Problem", I'm just ignored while you have to deal with people giving you weird looks, pointing and laughing at you. We still share one thing in common at least, people don't care about who we really are.


But you know what? I don't think any of you, the people that form "The American Obesity Problem" are physically disgusting. As a matter of fact, I just realized last year that I'm a FFA, I don't have any strange feeding fantasies but I just love the body type of a man with "The American Obesity Problem". And with every passing day and seeing "men (hypothetically) lift weights up and down in endless repetition in the hope that they will lose their insecurities like you lost that pen you swear you just had five minutes ago." I feel more and more proud of my attraction to larger men.
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:iconjirachichick:
JirachiChick Featured By Owner Nov 20, 2012  Student General Artist
I love this, especially the part about college. My college experience has been pretty awful because I don't fit the skinny upper-middle class white girl prototype, Freshman year I was going home as often as I could to get away from people in my building that teased me.
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:iconmay-flower-smile:
may-flower-smile Featured By Owner Oct 11, 2012
:glomp:
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:iconjorrus:
jorrus Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2012
This is a pleasure to read, and comes at a time of great change!
Traditional notions are being swept aside; and there is a proliferation of appearance modifying technologies!
This piece captures the emotive side of the times! =)
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:iconbluespiritfire1:
BlueSpiritFire1 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Can I just say that I love you for writing this?
It's unique, beautiful and most of all, true.
For my entire life i've been the big girl in room, despite that, although I'm not fond of my leafy greens, carbohydrates just turn me totally off my food, as well as the fact that I probably eat the least in my family (Not in a concious attempt to lose weight, just on my appetite). I'm the biggest person in my family, and the youngest (also the tallest!).
Recently I found out that I have PCOS; Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, and am pre-diabetic with heavy insulin resistance (I think it's 6x the norm). The PCOS has always been there and thus losing weight has always been very difficult. I'm not using it as an excuse. My mum found out about it via a work colleague and she asked me some questions to see if I had the same symptoms. I did. I've never been susceptable to excercise and I've always had great difficulty doing it.
I've never been one of those popular, skinny girls; I was bullied by someone (for what reason I was never told) who pretended to be my friend and when she left the school after a few years I was left with no group to sit with and I was alone.
I've never had a happy life; My father died when I was 4 and my mother and sister don't understand me, or my sense of humour. They fight constantly with no care as to how they effect me or our cat (he's a sensitive soul).
I've never been put first; my opinions are of naught value, as are my emotional boundaries. If I lose my cool, I'm seen to be unjustified in my anger.
I have difficulty going outside; being out there isn't a task, it's GETTING out there that's the hurdle. Because of this my Vitamin D levels are dangerously low. I'll make it clear now that I don't go outside because I have anxiety, not because I'm embarassed or self-conscious.
Basically I'm a walking, sitting, talking, breathing, surviving organism (I wouldn't call what I'm doing 'living') that has insane difficulty losing the weight that is threatening my life, coupled with so many emotional bullets I want to shrivel up and die most of the time (But I'm the 'humour' In the place, so i've got to put on a brave face).
But sometimes, I like to pretend that I'm NOT the 113kg 17 year old that I am. I like to lie down, close my eyes and dream that I'm healthy, and that I'm loved by someone who can hold me and make me smile and feel safe. Sometimes those dreams are so real I can almost hear a voice saying 'I love you', with a hint of a smile in the tone.
I also like to dream that, one day, it won't be a just a dream. My fat doesn't make me ashamed of myself. It just makes me sad that I can't make it go away. I can see that if I lost the extra baggage I'd be pretty.
When I do go out I'm enlived; I feel like I can do anything and that I belong out there. When i get home, however, my motivation is lost almost instantly. I guess it's the house; cold, dark, damp...generally it's a sad place, especially when my sister never leaves it and I have to go back to her anger and spite.
There are so many other factors that fall into play in my life; so many things that feel so much more important my losing the weight, so many things that feel like they're more important, in essence, than ME. But they're NOT. My sister and her insecurities are not mine. My mother and her abrasive lack of manners are her faults, not mine. My problem is that my emotional trauma coupled with my physical handicaps has pushed my weight issue to the back burner where it should not be, and I'm having difficulty bringing it to the front.

Your work is about fat people being objectified as a mass problem rather than a large amount of individuals with unique situations that have led to them being one of those faceless bodies. I've deviated into my own situation, but when I read this, I just feel so many connections and I feel like I have to get it out somehow, especially to the laying back and dreaming about a better life as I do that a fair bit; it's my way to escape and stay sane. It gives me a goal.

LightningRodOfHate, you are a beautiful person. Not because of the picture on this piece, but because you have the heart and soul to make this in-depth artwork that resonates so strongly with a lot of us. You have the courage to put this online and take the ignorant comments that inevitably come with it. You have the grace to politely put those ignorant commenters in their place and make it clear your intentions and meaning.
I thank you from the warmest cockles of my heart for submitting this for the rest of us to read, take inspiration from, and find comfort in.
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:iconashestoapples:
ashestoApples Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm a college student. I go to my classes, I do my work, I sit in the small desks that cut into me without a complaint. I smile at the teacher. I ask questions and make appropriate comments. My participation grades are always excellent. I come back home to do my homework and figure out how to get by on the money I have. Just like most college students. The only problem with this is that I'm surrounded by people who don't want to have anything to do with me.

This is because I am faceless. Genderless. Disgusting.

It doesn't matter that I shower daily and use deodorant and fix my hair. I am still disgusting.

I've had this problem since birth. I was born at 9 pounds, 8 ounces. I've tried everything. I exercise at least three times a week, and I only don't exercise more because I do not have the time between the demands of school. I generally drink two protein shakes a day and then have one small meal at the end of the day with few, if any, snacks in between. This holds true even if the few friends I have are eating my favorite, fragrant food. There are rarely ever exceptions.

This didn't bother me as much as it could have until the health issues set in. It's nothing serious, but since I'm still so young, doctors recommended that I get surgery so we can control it. My insurance, though, didn't. They said I had to lose 10% of my overall body weight if they were going to pay for it. "Ten percent?" I whispered. "Don't they realize that if it were easy I would have done that a long time ago?"

That doesn't matter. Not when you're overweight.

I'm working on losing the weight. In fact, before I started school I had lost 20 pounds! No one noticed, though, because they didn't know me before. I was still the blob who sat near them in class. I am still the blob who sits near them in class.

What could I have done differently?

I've lost about 30 pounds total that I know about, though that's not enough for the insurance company. It's not ten percent. I weigh too much for that. My next doctor's appointment is at noon on Tuesday. I can only hope and pray that I've lost enough to qualify for insurance. I've been at it for a year, doing exactly what the doctors have been telling me to. At first I wasn't losing any weight. Month after month would go by and I would weigh the same or close to it. Once I even gained a pound. It didn't make sense, but the smiling doctors said to keep trying. So I did. And here I am, hoping and praying that I'll have lost the rest of the weight I need to lose and crying because someone captured my life so well in a deviation that I found by coincidence, and read in hopes that it wasn't demeaning.

I'm still active. I can still walk and run decent distances. I may weigh a lot but I could probably outrun some of the lazier thin folks. Not that being lazy is necessarily a bad thing. Unless you're as big as I am. Then it's stereotypical and expected and nasty.

I'm not nasty. I've never been nasty. So why does everyone think I am? I can tell. They all think it. A girl who can't weigh one hundred pounds looks me up and down for a second too long. A guy's eyes wander back to me more than once even though I'm not in his line of vision. Sometimes they even laugh because they think I can't see or hear them. I'm not human to them. I'm a joke. I'm experienced, though. I've had 19 years of this, so I'm good at keeping a straight face.

Just because a person can keep a straight face, though, doesn't mean they're not hurt.

I am the American Obesity Problem, and there's nothing more I could have done to make it any other way. Does that make me disgusting?
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:iconbluespiritfire1:
BlueSpiritFire1 Featured By Owner Sep 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I can't understand exactly what you're living through, but oh God I want to give you a hug. :iconcryinghugplz:
Your comment made me cry. I'm not sure what I can say, but you're amazing. Keep trying; never give up on yourself! Your dedication to your goal is admirable and beautiful. I can tell by your words that, if you persist, you'll get there.
Don't get upset over something that may be misinterpreted or not even meant for you.
I know what you mean about the laughing. If I walk by a group or person that laughs after I pass I instantly feel like it was directed at me. Are my clothes funny? Do i look wrong? Some of the questions that flash through my mind. Who knows, maybe it was directed at me. But I can't let the reactions of those who I'll probably never see after school/college get to me.

Family is a whole different kettle of fish, unfortunately. Although I'm younger than you I recommend moving out, if you havn't already. Being around negative people will only hinder you.

I hope that you've lost enough for the surgery. You're not faceless, the companies that have no care for individual situations are the ones who are faceless.

Disgusting? My dear, you are amazing. Your drive is amazing. You're special and fabulous and unique and so many kinds of awesome I cannot list them all! How many people get mail from THE Tim Burton, eh?

Yes, I looked at your page. I swear I'm not a stalker! I was curious to know if your appointment was successful so I could comment appropriately. Call me specific :shrug:

My best hopes and warmest wishes for your success in your endeavours!
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:iconashestoapples:
ashestoApples Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I really appreciate the time and care you put into this reply. It means a lot, and it brightened my day when I first read it (which was something I needed desperately at the time).

If I had the resources to move out, I would probably consider doing so, but unfortunately I'm stuck where I am. Now that everyone's in school or going to work, though, it's easier, and now that I have lost the weight for the surgery (yes! There are only a couple minor things left until I can get the surgery) they're overall easier to handle.

Thank you so much, Blue. I really needed to hear some of those things, and I'll be saving this comment so I can read it if I'm ever feeling blue.
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:iconoseltamivir:
Oseltamivir Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
You are an amazing writer! Thank you for posting this stunning work of art. I absolutely love it! You captured the feeling of being a faceless entity in our society so perfectly. I think not only overweight people, but too-thin people, "misfits", minorities, etc. can understand this feeling.
You should definitely consider a career involving writing; you have such a talent!
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:iconwayward-brizzy:
Wayward-brizzy Featured By Owner Jul 21, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I read this and I have to say this is a beautiful piece of writing. The emotion and message in it are astounding, but beautiful. As I read this I found my self both in a way shocked and turned of, yet I was captivated and felt I could relate to this whole heartedly. I felt as if it had touched base with me on a personal and emotional level. No I am not struggling with obesity but I have people very close and dear to my heart and I know that this is how they too feel.
To finally see some one call out that obesity is a faceless struggle through out America is a odd but in a way comforting concept. It is as if you are saying that it is not limited to one person or group but it is a struggle that any one and every one has the potential to face. That because of the way society has trained our minds to think that only certain things are beautiful, many people feel faceless, lost for identity in a world that will not accept them for who they are. And they will never discover themselves till they are first accepted by the people and community around them, only then can we accept ourselves and discover we do have a face and a identity that is so much deeper then what our weight is.
I wish more people could see things this way, rather then see things single mindedly and with singular sight.
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:icontamethedragon:
TameTheDragon Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I admit it. I cried after I read this.
I'm considered overweight for my age and height, but since I'm more physically developed, I look average when it comes to size.
Because of my weight however, I have done things to myself that I am not proud of. But after reading this, I made a promise to myself to never do that stuff again. Despite how I may feel about myself.
You are one truly amazing, gorgeous young woman. Thank you so much for writing this. It just stuns me...
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:iconturqoisetortoise:
TurqoiseTortoise Featured By Owner Jul 17, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
If this is what a real person really believes I'd say to them that they need counceling and a lot of it. I say this with all the concern and love I have for my fellow human beings in distress. I have fat acquaintances that lead generally happy lives and have sex and children. This looks more like severe depression than an obesity problem... not that these can't coexist I suppose.
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:iconoseltamivir:
Oseltamivir Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
many obese people are depressed because of their weight, and the way others view and treat them
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:iconxloveeverlastingx:
XLoveEverlastingX Featured By Owner Jul 15, 2012  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
What an absolutely beautiful piece of work you have created. Beautiful, but harsh and honest. This affects everyone in the world, even when it shouldn't. Children who aren't even teenagers yet hate themselves because they think they aren't good enough, simply because they aren't perfect. There are so many anorexics, bulimics, and self-loathing people. And everyone else simply laughs at you, even if they have experienced what you have.
This is a startlingly accurate representation of what society has become, and how it views everyone who isn't perfect. If you aren't beautiful, then you aren't worthy to be noted. It's sad and wrong, but sometimes there just really isn't anything you can do about it. But what you wrote really has moved me, and you are so brave to put this out here when so many people would be afraid to do so. You are a beautiful person, inside and out, and thank you so much for sharing this with the world.
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:iconrebel--heart:
Rebel--Heart Featured By Owner Jun 16, 2012  Hobbyist Photographer
This is a beautiful piece. Kudos for being so brave in putting a very real face onto what a lot of overweight people feel, and go through, every day.

I've been struggling with my weight since I was 4. I'm now 32, and I still struggle - and fail. I don't think I'll ever have a face, or the bravery you've shown by putting such a spotlight on the very real problem that society as a whole refuses to acknowledge:

Just because we're fat doesn't mean we're soulless. Just because people can't see the wounds that hurtful words and actions cause doesn't mean they're not there.
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:iconinfernalitae:
Infernalitae Featured By Owner May 2, 2012
I stubled across this today and felt the need - not the urge, not the mild desire - the need to tell you how deeply moved I was by what you have written. There are so many points and parts to this piece that are so vitally important, things that have been affecting our culture in ways that to pinpoint whether they're completely wrong or completely right is impossible.

For starters, the pop culture-driven image of what feminine beauty is. Who has the right to say one woman is beautiful and another is not? Who has the right to decide what is attractive, when so many people are attracted to so many different things? Part of me wants to ask the common public whether they understand that the images and media-fed claims of what is "sexy" are what shape their own ideas, because we are all subject to this influence. Yet no one thinks about this anymore. And if you do, you're either a feminist or ugly and/or fat yourself (because this matters, for some reason).

Then there's the frank truth that there are cases where there is no choice about weight. Quite simply, we are genetically bigger than we were twenty and even fifty years ago; part of this is related to nutrition, that some parts of the world have access to food without having to starve half the year and remain short in height and stature. We have changed, and with that change comes other problems than starvation. Our culture has changed what food we eat and the chemicals inside that food so much that who can truly say whether or not these foods themselves contribute to the fact that some people cannot lose weight. It does, in fact, happen.

Finally, a simple word of thanks for having put yourself out there by making such personal thoughts public, knowing that it would certainly spark comments that lean toward cruelty. I will never understand how we can be so shallow as to compare ourselves and each other to idols that, quite often, aren't even depicted as THEY truly are. There are still some places in the world where to be curvy is to be condiered beautiful because it means you aren't starving. But most importantly, we are all people. We are as different as we are the same, and anyone who sees this as something negative or shameful is someone I greatly pity.

Again, thank you so much for such a beautiful and touching piece. Thank you for your courage in posting it here, and for taking whatever critiscism has come your way with such grace.
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:iconlightningrodofhate:
LightningRodOfHate Featured By Owner May 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank YOU for taking the time to share your thoughts on the piece! A year has come and gone, and your response is evidence that it's still touching a nerve or two, which means a lot to me. Of course, weight and beauty are motifs that will be around for quite some time I expect...

I started writing a diatribe here, then realized I was just elaborating on points you already made, heh. I agree completely. :)
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:iconhyaray:
HyaRay Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012  Hobbyist
This is freaking amazing.
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:iconbluetigress94:
BlueTigress94 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2012  Student General Artist
:iconclappingplz: This is...just amazing!
...I just don't know what to say...except thank you for speaking out like this!
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:icongrowinluvhandles:
growinluvhandles Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Student Writer
Fantastic!
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:iconsilvershadowling:
SilverShadowling Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2012  Student General Artist
Wow this was great to read. It kind of reminded me of animal farm in the sense I got the same chills reading it. In my opinion, it was well written. I am not overweight enough to be considered obese, but in the community I live in, people look like freaking hollywood scarlet, and my lack of looks doesn't make my situation any better. I too have felt faceless, sexless and sometimes dehumanized, not only by my peers but by the adults in my community as well. I too have felt what it is like to hope one day I can find someone whom will accept me, although my pessimistic nature only allows so much hope. I also wanted to say I especially loved the part where you(?) are in sixth grade and the boy comes over and you begin to deliver the speech. That will be something that sticks with me. This may not have been drawn but that does not mean it is not art. This is what art is about, and a damn good piece of art this is. I wish you the best as you go on in life. -JKP
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:iconoseltamivir:
Oseltamivir Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I've felt the same as you, except for being too thin... people are so judgmental and cruel and don't even bother to consider that the nasty thing they say could scar someone for a very long time
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:iconwolfbyte0:
WolfByte0 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I actually really, really enjoyed this piece of writing. It's really well thought out--I salute you for that.

The way you executed it was amazing. And honest, in the views of most Americans, the ones who shove their starved bodies into should-be-children-sized shirts. You really got the perspective down, and that's great.
Obese people--or even overweight people--really don't have much of a face. Not unless we were to make one for ourselves, to map out our means of expression.

Thanks for writing it--reading was actually a pretty nice way to start my morning. You /are/ beautiful, no matter what you look like. c:
G'day~
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:iconpanduh-fox-love:
Panduh-fox-love Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
I, surprised by my own self, actually fell in love with this piece of writing. You have a great skill, and should be proud of it.
More than that, you should be proud of who you are. I do not know you but I know you are bold, bright, and slightly humorous.
I really hope you don't believe this anymore-I hope you fabricated this out of your own creativity because you are a person who deserves to be loved and respected. No matter your weight, race, sexual identity or religion you deserve to be a human too.
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:iconfeverwreck:
feverwreck Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2011
A gorgeous piece and a gorgeous girl--congrats on the DD, it's much deserved!
Often we feel to be prisoners of what we see in the mirror, or how we feel others perceive us, but truly everyone has a beauty--physically and internally--that no one else has the right to undermine. Thank you for writing this and offering your strength through it. As a person who struggles with bulimia, your piece has touched me deeply--thank you!
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:iconclaceyjenkinson:
CLaceyJenkinson Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You utterly beautiful, amazing person. Both your writing, which is moving and honest, and yourself. ^^ I cried a little, as I can relate, to feeling so empty and worthless because I am a 'big girl'. Sometimes, it really feels as if you are invisible. But, this has made me feel somewhat better, in the end, I even had a smile on my face. Thanks :)
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:iconshiftedsoul:
shiftedsoul Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2011  Student Traditional Artist
This is an amazing piece of writing and poetry.
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:iconzoeyfagerlid:
ZoeyFagerlid Featured By Owner Sep 13, 2011  Professional General Artist
Strange that I should find this now. Lately, I've been feeling like the world sees me as less than human because I am overweight, and it really bothers me. I've been trying to loose weight and it seems to have dropped this bunch of criticism in my lap - Just because I've decided to loose weight, it's suddenly okay for everybody to tell me how fat they think I am. Some people can be so rude.
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:icontomcatdriver:
TomCatDriver Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2011
i like what i see....pay no attention to any "trolls".....!
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:iconstutteringfreak:
StutteringFreak Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2011  Hobbyist Artist
I think you are beautiful, no matter what size you are.
Maybe I didn't get the writing, but I feel so horrible about myself now, because I'm rather heavy myself. I can and do understand the feeling of trying to change yourself, but is it for yourself or for other people?
:) A very nice piece. Very professionally written, and you are quite obviously talented.
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:iconodyrah:
Odyrah Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2011
Beautiful.
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:iconmusicaddict152:
MusicAddict152 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2011
Thank you for writing what so many people can't put into words. Reading this was an amazing experience. Thank you so much.
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:iconb3nwa:
B3nwa Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2011
What problem? She is really cute.
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:iconopus-t:
Opus-T Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2011  Student Writer
This is simply amazing. I found that second paragraph especially moving. I love the raw honesty of this and I love how much it speaks to me. Thank you for this, <3
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:iconkphillips702:
KPhillips702 Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2011  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
i see absolutely nothing wrong with this piece. It's sad how society portrays the "stereotypical" way of how people are supposed to live. How they post up photos of the "perfect form" like their saying, if your not like this then your not happy and you'll always be shunned by us. You people forget that the Lord put us and made us for unique reasons.
Think about it like this, if everyone were the same, what a boring world that would be. And i hate boring. I applaud this young lady on her piece and support her to the fullest. I really admire people like this, its awesome to be different.
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:iconphaetonequos:
phaetonEQUOS Featured By Owner May 11, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I...love this.

There are no words. :heart:
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:iconclearandpresentsneek:
ClearAndPresentSneek Featured By Owner May 8, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
i think you did a good job in writing this :)
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:iconaptronym:
Aptronym Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2011
This is a wonderful post. Beautifully written. I am at a loss for words... words fail.
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:iconfrosty762:
frosty762 Featured By Owner Apr 18, 2011
No, indeed you are fat. You are not chubby. You are not healthy (neither are the skinny skeletons). You are told it's not your fault, and loads of other bullshit, but in fact, you are fat it is most definitely your own damn fault. You wanna bitch and moan about such a hard life and you were born into this, and waa waa waa. STFU. You weren't born this much overweight, your life is a dream compared to the rest of the world, and you have the luxury of being able to do something about it, and CHOOSING not to. You fat sack of crap. You are a waste of space. Look up a little town called Mogadishu, fatty. There is nothing more selfish than choosing to be this fucking fat, while kids are dying each day because they cannot find food.


127 fat people got mad at this post, yelled, then went home and ate more than they should've.
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:iconmusicaddict152:
MusicAddict152 Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2011
Hello troll! Shouldn't you be under a bridge or something? Or on 4chan???
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:icongozer-the-destroyor:
Gozer-The-Destroyor Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2011
Someone sounds cranky!

I love how you people have started to add "neither are the skinny skeletons" as a tiny little footnote, so as to pretend you're not still totally biased... which you are. It's a shame, really, throwing those of the same body type as you under the bus, but I guess if you're antisocial enough to spew this tripe to someone, then comradery probably means little to you.

Although, somehow I don't think you're going to pummel her down into shameville like you want to. If she's got the moxie to post something like this and not give it a second thought, then she can take your sad, desperate insults.

And I do mean "desperate." It's funny, the vitriol in your words makes it sound like you NEED to do this to people, for whatever reason, be it your own insecurities, your ego, or a combination of both. You poor, insecure little thing. I'm sure the late Glamazone thanks you for continuing her desperate work.

Now go ahead, lay into me with this silly domination fetish of yours. You never know, I might like it. ;D

Or I might find it hilarious.
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