:Just Warming Up:

Characters: JULIE, WILLIAM, WAITER (or WAITRESS), MIKE

JULIE: [Looks at watch impatiently] Where is he?

[Enter Waiter]

WAITER: Hello, ma’am. Do you care to order now? Or will you wait for William Winny? [Voice goes from low to high] Will you wait for William Winny? [Voice goes from high to low] Will you wait for William Winny? [Coughs] Excuse me, I think something’s wrong with my throat.

JULIE: I think I’ll wait for William, thank you. I do hope he gets here soon.

WAITER: Moo.

JULIE: Excuse me?

WAITER: [Shrugs] Ma made me go moo. Sorry. I’ll come back later.

[Exit Waiter]   

[Enter William the instant the Waiter leaves]

JULIE: There you are!

WILLIAM: Hey!

JULIE: Hey!

WILLIAM: Sorry for keeping you.

JULIE: What were you doing?

WILLIAM: A funny story, actually. I saw a bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee, bumblebee. I was just walking down the street when I saw it, and I was singing, “dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee, dittle dee.” And then, you’ll never believe this, but it stung me on the nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee, nimble knee!

JULIE: You don’t say! How awful! I’m sorry to hear that. I hate bees. Anyway, you’re here now, and that’s what matters.
WILLIAM: Yes, yes indeed. Should we order now?

JULIE: Well, I was thinking we should just talk, but if you—

WILLIAM: Waiter!

[Enter Waiter]

WAITER: Oh, hello Mr. Winny, I see you’ve finally arrived. Can I take your orders now?  

WILLIAM: Yes. I think I’ll have a peach. Peach. Peach. It’s easy to reach for a peach.

WAITER: Right, yes. And for you, ma’am?

JULIE: Hmmm…I’m not very hungry. I think I’ll just have a proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee cup.

WAITER: Will that be all?

JULIE: Yes, thank you.

[Exit Waiter]

WILLIAM: So, it’s a nice place here, don’t you think?

JULIE: Yes, quite! I’ve always wanted to visit unique New York, and, well, here I am.

WILLIAM: Yes, very unique indeed. So unique in fact that it looks like every other city!

JULIE: [Emotionlessly] Ha.

WILLIAM: [Emotionlessly] Ha.

JULIE: [Emotionlessly] Ha ha.

WILLIAM: [Emotionlessly] Ha ha.  

[Both stare blankly into space as if uncomfortable.]

JULIE: [Blows through lips in a sigh.]

[Enter Mike]

MIKE: Hey Julie, hey Will! Hey!

WILLIAM: Hey!

JULIE: Hey!

WILLIAM: Hello, Mike!

MIKE: Guess what?! I had to rush down here to tell you this, because I’m just so excited. After spending my life savings, I have purchased the two most awesome boats any guy could hope to own! Wanna see some photos of them?!

JULIE: No!

WILLIAM: Go away!

MIKE: [Shoves photos at them anyway.]

JULIE: Those old boats won’t float!

MIKE: They will to! You’ll see!

WILLIAM: Why don’t you go show your photos to Alice?

MIKE: Well I would, but I don’t know where she is right now.

WILLIAM: Follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow, follow me.

MIKE: Whither shall I follow, follow, follow, whither shall I follow, follow thee?

WILLIAM: To the greenwood, to the greenwood, to the greenwood, greenwood tree.

MIKE: Okay.

JULIE: But William, the waiter will be back any minute!

WILLIAM: The greenwood tree is just outside, I’ll only be a minute, I promise.    

JULIE: Okay, okay, fine.

[Enter Waiter with coffee, and a peach]

WAITER: Here you are, ma’am. One proper cup of coffee in a copper coffee cup, and one peach. Where did William go?

JULIE: He’s out bringing Mike to his friend, Alice.

WAITER: Oh, I see.....Moo.

JULIE: O-okay.  

[Enter William]

WILLIAM: I’m back. Do you think we’re warmed up enough yet?

JULIE: I should say so.

WILLIAM: So you’re ready now?

JULIE: Yes.

WILLIAM: Okay, see you in a few.

[Exit William.]

JULIE: [Looks at watch impatiently] Where is he?

[Enter Waiter]

WAITER: Hello, ma’am. Do you care to order now?